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Oh, my, god. Becky, look at her butt!" "DOCTOR PLEASE SHE IS CODING! NOW IS NOT THE TIME! | Maximofn/short-jokes |
My girlfriend broke up with me after I said she's half the person I am... I weigh 240 pounds, not sure why she got so mad. | Maximofn/short-jokes |
Someone sly sheared sleeping sheep. Talk about shear terror. | Maximofn/short-jokes |
If you hate yourself, just drink alcohol like an adult; there's no need to vote for Trump. | Maximofn/short-jokes |
{'question': 'A Seal-y Riddle Q. What starts with e, ends with e, and contains one letter. A', 'response': 'An envelope'} | shuttie/dadjokes |
Why are fat people always possessed by the devil? They never exorcise. | Maximofn/short-jokes |
When I make you breakfast in bed, a simple thank you would suffice, Not this "Who the fuck are you, and what are you doing in my house?!" nonsense. | Maximofn/short-jokes |
Ever hear Colonel Sanders playing guitar? Well he’s finger-pickin’ good! | reddit/r/jokes(score=12) |
please stop adding flintstone chewable vitamin commercials to the episode list. they are not real flintstone episodes. | Maximofn/short-jokes |
If you googled "blood libel" yesterday, you'd get a wikipedia link. Today you see Sarah Palin's face. I hope she says "bukkake" next. | Maximofn/short-jokes |
If you have 4 apples in one hand, and one and a half times as many in the other, what have you got? Huge fucking hands. | reddit/r/jokes(score=12) |
When I die and doctors perform an autopsy, they'll probably find twenty pounds of stickers off of fruit in my intestines | Maximofn/short-jokes |
My boyfriend said that I'm more than enough woman for him, and now I'm mad because I think he called me fat. | Maximofn/short-jokes |
We are not talking over a radio! This relationship is over! Me: This relationship is what? Over | Maximofn/short-jokes |
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but you mean your mother. | Maximofn/short-jokes |
My friend asked me why scuba divers always fall backwards into the water... I told him if they fell forwards they would still be in the boat. | Maximofn/short-jokes |
I made the Earth move for the last girl I had sex with. And then I moved it back to the hole I had buried her in. | Maximofn/short-jokes |
I'm writing a book called "Stop Overreacting". If you guys don't buy it I'm going to kill myself. | Maximofn/short-jokes |
It’s hard to find a funny chemistry joke any more. All the best Argon. | reddit/r/jokes(score=18) |
How is a vagina like a grapefruit? The best ones squirt when you eat them! | Maximofn/short-jokes |
Parallel Lines have so much in common Its a shame they're never going to meet. | reddit/r/jokes(score=21) |
Me: you're like heroin. Her: Why? Because you're addicted to me? Me: No, because you're ruining my life. | Maximofn/short-jokes |
According to really smart people I should have started saving 20 years ago. | Maximofn/short-jokes |
I don't like stairs. They're always up to something. I'm taking steps to avoid them. | reddit/r/jokes(score=17) |
{'question': 'Someone sawed the top off of a pyramid', 'response': 'It was pointless'} | shuttie/dadjokes |
What follows 16 sodium atoms? Batman | reddit/r/jokes(score=340) |
People who push and shove to get on a flight before other passengers are possibly going to get to their end destination one second faster. | Maximofn/short-jokes |
During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my Pants"?... "Over there by mine", was not the answer I was expecting. | Maximofn/short-jokes |
Glad if you guys know what pop, punk or emo music is. glad if you know what that is. If you don't know what it is, it's basically a bunch of 26 year old dudes crying about how hard it is to be 15. like that's the whole genre, it's the whole thing. and a lot of the dudes from those bands are getting in trouble for talki... | tiktok_standup |
Might wake up early and go for a jog. Might also win the lottery... odds are about the same. | Maximofn/short-jokes |
Posting a Joke on reddit is like going to a bar Once in a while you get lucky, but most of the time you just ruin your self esteem. | Maximofn/short-jokes |
Why were the yearbook students expelled? They shot the whole school. | Maximofn/short-jokes |
Why do black people have red eyes after sexual intercourse? Because of the pepper spray. | Maximofn/short-jokes |
I wouldn't want to live forever. I don't even want to stay at a party past eleven. | Maximofn/short-jokes |
Why do sumo wrestles shave their legs? So that you can tell them apart from feminists | Maximofn/short-jokes |
What do you call a fat girl with a rape whistle? Optimistic | Maximofn/short-jokes |
I saw one guy buying cheap toilet paper. I said: what are you doing? that's four rolls for 89 cents. that can't be good, don't you like yourself? I understand the need to find a bargain, but toilet paper you buy, good toilet paper. I've been really broke. I always got good toilet paper. it's a line you don't cross. it ... | tiktok_standup |
I hate what toys do to girls' body images. Real girls don't have smaller girls inside of them with smaller girls inside of them... | Maximofn/short-jokes |
Studies show That 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren't happy | Maximofn/short-jokes |
I PISSED OFF MY NEIGHBOR ONCE AGAIN!!! She said she could see me masturbating through the window.. I told her if she would buy some blinds, I wouldn't be standing outside her window. | Maximofn/short-jokes |
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